Saturday, October 24, 2009

Day +5

I bet you didn't know that Camden is bringing sexy back. Camden is doing great. He has his moments. Yesterday he was not a fan of mom. Everytime I held him or looked at him he started freaking out but he was the best baby ever for everyone besides me. Derek is getting better everyday. Today he is getting a blood transfusion. His white blood cell count is super low but he has a fair amount of energy. There is another bone marrow patient here that walks laps around the transplant area to make sure his body isn't getting weak. He just hauls along much faster than I care to walk. I make fun of Derek telling him he is lazy. He walks around a couple of times but nothing like this guy, lol. I am getting ready to lose this baby weight. I signed up for a fitness bootcamp which is monday through friday for an hour for the next 4 weeks. I am excited, I am sick of having to still wear maternity clothes. Derek can hopefully come home on Wednesday. I realized yesterday that since Derek has been in the hospital I have driven 600 miles.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Day +3

Camden is so cute! I just love my precious little baby. Last night I cuddled with him while he was sleeping and I gave him a kiss and he grinned so big in his sleep. I look at Camden and feel greatly inadequate. I hope I can be the mom he deserves. Derek is feeling alright today. His stomach is still a little weak but if you walked into his room and started talking to him you would think he is feeling fine. He talked to the doctor today and the doctor said that if he is still doing good (counts are going up, no sores in his mouth, no fever) then he may be able to come home early next week (tuesday or wedenesday). I really, really hope he can come home, I miss having him at home. Derek is going a little stir crazy being stuck in this hospital room. Everyday I bring him the blanket Camden slept with the night before and it helps him, but it is no great substitute for the real thing.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Day 0 Happy birthday!

Here is Derek getting his cells back. The nurses say "Happy Birthday!" Im assuming its because this is the first day of the rest of your healthy life! He is cuddling with one of Camden's blankets that smell like Camden. He is also surrounded by pictures of Camden. He says they make him feel better. Right now its just a waiting game til his cells engraft back into his body and start making red and white blood cells. I am hoping it is 2 weeks at the most. He needs to come home, Camden misses his daddy. And Daddy misses his baby.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Day -2 and -1

The last chemo ever! Well that is what we are hoping. On saturday Derek got chemo for the last time. He was HORRIBLY sick. And not only sick he was in alot of pain. He got so much pain medication but not much was working. He is a trooper though. And have you ever seen anyone so studly getting chemo? Today he is still really really sick and hasn't been able to keep any food down. Tomorrow they will start giving him nutrition through a line. Tomorrow he also gets his cells back which was the worst part for him last time. I am preparing myself for the cream of corn smell, ew. I miss him terribly when I am away from the hospital. And I miss Camden when I am at the hospital. Its no fun no matter where I am. I can't wait for Derek to come home with his family where he belongs. I went to the temple on friday and really felt good afterwards. Its amazing how much peace the temple brings. I can't wait til Derek and I can go together again. Life is crazy hectic. Its comforting to know that this craziness eventually has an end with a happy ending, a happy and healthy family.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Day -4 and 5

Yesterday was pretty uneventful (which we like). Derek got chemo and was feeling fine. We played the WII which is so nicely set up in his room and hung out. It was as well of a day as you can have being stuck in a hospital. Today however was not quite so fun. Derek got a different type of chemo today which kicked his butt. He was sleepy and nausea. He threw up a few times(which was not fun) and just felt awful. The doctor said his white blood, red blood cell and platelet counts are dropping which is to be expected. This weekend he should be feeling his worse. Today was not a good day so Im scared to see it get worse.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Day -6

Today is Derek's second day of chemo. I guess I expected him to be lying in his bed all sickly but when I got there this morning he was out of bed walking around. There was a cart that has another tv on it and a wii. Derek showed me all of the games that they had (and it was alot). He seems reasonably comfortable. He wishes he was home. We wish he was home. Camden was cuddling with me earlier and he started fussing and wiggling around. I could tell I wasn't the person he wanted to cuddle with. Camden is being a good boy for me though. He knows this is hard and he is trying to make sure he is not making it harder. Perhaps I am guessing too much on his behavior,but I am sure he knows that something is going on. I've been keeping busy, I am rarely home during the day. How I long for boring, relaxing days with my husband and sweet baby. If you are interested in seeing Derek just let me know, I can give you directions to his room or even be there to lead you there.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Day -7

Today Derek went into the hospital today. They put him a really small room but later a much bigger room opened up and they moved him to that room. When you come into the Bone Marrow Transplant area you have to scrub your hands like a doctor for 3 minutes before you can enter the room. Every 15 minutes or so someone comes into the room so getting any sleep is like impossible. Today is his first day of chemo. This is more intense chemo than he has ever gotten. I stayed with Derek til about 430pm when I finally left to pick up Camden from my mom's house. I hate having to chose who I have to be with, I can't be with Derek and Camden at the same time since Camden can't go into the hospital. Derek hates not being able to see Camden. We put a bunch of pictures of Camden up around the room and everytime a nurse would come in they would comment on how cute he is (I can't blame them) and it made Derek more sad because he can't see Camden. As I found my way to the elevators I started crying. It is pretty much torture having to leave my husband to suffer alone. I didn't even leave the building yet before I texted Derek to tell him I missed him. I cried all the way to my mother's house, at my mothers house and then when I got home. This will be the longest I have been away from Derek since we got married. What's really unfair is exactly a year ago from today we arrived in Hawaii and was enjoying the beach and fantastic Hawaiian weather. I can't wait to go back and forget all about cancer. Oh cancer, how I have shed many tears because of you. Its time to stop.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Anniversary

Here is us at Claim Jumper. We had a delicious dinner and here is our yummy dessert. We have some sneaky friends who came into the restaurant and paid our dinner bill and sent us this dessert. It was a total surprise and they didn't want us to know it was them but the waiter gave them away. Those are not beers on the table. Those are IBC rootbeers. Part of Derek's diet restrictions for his transplant include not drinking fountain sodas or having water that is not reverse osmosis so the bottled rootbeers were the safest bet. We went to a movie before dinner and saw Couples Retreat which was great. Today is our official anniversary and it has been busy. We really haven't had time to just sit down and hang out so it is a good thing we hung out last night. As I am typing this Derek is packing his stuff for the hospital. He doesn't look very happy. I know he is not looking forward to being away from Camden and I. Nor am I looking forward to him being away from us. This is tough. This whole thing, this whole year. This cancer better go away because im not sure how much longer my sanity is going to hold up. We have some great friends and family looking out for us and we appreciate it. They really are the reason we get through.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Beach boys are twins now! Derek really shaved his head and his beard. I have never seen Derek without facial hair so it is kind of weird, but he still is a stud. We are having a nice time hanging out together as a family before Derek goes into the hospital. I am kind of worried about staying home without Derek but my sister-in-law Doeshann is going to come stay with me, so I feel a little safer. Tomorrow Derek and I are going out for our anniversary. I am really excited to just be able to hang out together. The Beach family went camping this weekend and Derek really wanted to go but alas he can not. I am perfectly happy not camping but I think it bums Derek more the fact that he can't go because of his health. It stinks that cancer really just has our life on hold. We can't wait to be able to go and do things. For our first anniversary I really wanted to go on a cruise but that will have to wait. For now, life is sweet. It will soon be sweeter when we hear the words "Cancer free".

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Day+ who knows

Have you ever seen such a cute baby! We got his pictures back and here is one of them.

I have lost track of the days. Derek is feeling so good now we haven't had to keep track of everything. His hair is most definitely coming out. He has patches of lost hair on his head and in his beard. He checks into the hospital on Monday for sure. I'm scared. I don't like having to be without him. I know he needs to do this and I feel good because they will be able to monitor him and if he needs anything he can get it right away instead of having to endure an hour ride to the hospital. But I still don't want to be without him. Camden is not allowed to come into the bone marrow transplant area so Derek won't be able to see Camden the whole time he is in the hospital. I know that really bothers him. I will keep this updated the whole time Derek is in the hospital. P.S. My baby is so cute!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Day +16

Well folks the news is in. Derek will be going into the hospital on October 12th which is the day after our anniversary. They wanted to bring him in either the end of next week or the beginning of the week after and Derek persuaded them that October 12th was ideal. We really don't want to spend our first wedding anniversary in a hospital, even though that sounds wildly romantic. General Conference is coming up and we are excited. Conference has happened at the most perfect times to give us that spiritual boost for what is ahead. Last year it happened right after we found out Derek had cancer and right before we got married. This year it is right before the big transplant. God has planned it perfect. Well, he usually does. I was talking to Derek today about how I know everything is going to be okay. I feel that there is something different, something special about Derek, and i'm not just saying that because he is my husband. He was meant for something big in this life and I feel lucky to be able to help him towards that. I thought I would be dreading the day he has to go into the hospital but now I am looking forward to it because I know it is what he needs to do. I am weak. But sometimes I forget my own strength. It won't be easy with him in the hospital for a few weeks but Camden and I will deal. We have a lot of great people supporting us. That love is what we need to get through.