Day -7

Today Derek went into the hospital today. They put him a really small room but later a much bigger room opened up and they moved him to that room. When you come into the Bone Marrow Transplant area you have to scrub your hands like a doctor for 3 minutes before you can enter the room. Every 15 minutes or so someone comes into the room so getting any sleep is like impossible. Today is his first day of chemo. This is more intense chemo than he has ever gotten. I stayed with Derek til about 430pm when I finally left to pick up Camden from my mom's house. I hate having to chose who I have to be with, I can't be with Derek and Camden at the same time since Camden can't go into the hospital. Derek hates not being able to see Camden. We put a bunch of pictures of Camden up around the room and everytime a nurse would come in they would comment on how cute he is (I can't blame them) and it made Derek more sad because he can't see Camden. As I found my way to the elevators I started crying. It is pretty much torture having to leave my husband to suffer alone. I didn't even leave the building yet before I texted Derek to tell him I missed him. I cried all the way to my mother's house, at my mothers house and then when I got home. This will be the longest I have been away from Derek since we got married. What's really unfair is exactly a year ago from today we arrived in Hawaii and was enjoying the beach and fantastic Hawaiian weather. I can't wait to go back and forget all about cancer. Oh cancer, how I have shed many tears because of you. Its time to stop.